WHY we experience Pain; and why we Pain others
Here’s the text of my post, which appeared in Hindustan Times, Mumbai on 9th April, 2010
We get hurt by the angry words or actions of family members, neighbours, colleagues and unknown people. Sometimes we overcome the pain by rationalising that their outburst was due to their disappointment with us—or some other tensions and frustration. At times, the experience leaves us wounded.
A customer shouting at the service staff, rail commuters cursing fellow-commuters, verbal altercations due to road rage—we witness anger everywhere. The weaker or helpless individuals tolerate ill-treatment due to anger of the so-called superior, powerful or rich. Equals, superiors or elders also tolerate pain caused by anger–for a mistake they make or for no fault of theirs. Angry outbursts give us temporary relief for we imagine we are lightening our tension or relieving our pain. But does our pain actually reduce when we transfer pain to someone who is not the cause of our pain?
The process of anger retaliation and transferring pain to others causes immense stress— strained relationships at the workplace, turmoil at homes, accusations between neighbours and volatile customers at service centres. As fragile creatures we are all hurt to a little or large extent—how we manage difficult people or tense situations depends on how we understand others’ pain and internally manage our pain.
If we are sensitive to realize the other person is hurting us because we have hurt him before, we should respond with patience and understanding. If we have not hurt the one who is hurting us, and if the person is someone we care about, can we help him understand his feelings—so he does not continue hurting those who did not cause him pain? If the person cannot be helped, instead of harbouring feelings of anger, can we work towards letting our pain go? And move on without passing it on to anyone else?
Good reflective piece! Pankaj Bhargava
Its a difficult and complex area you have written about. You have put the ideas simply and lucidly.
It’s very empathetic, Parthip. I doubt if many people will see it that way, though. By yelling and screaming, they’ll probably release some stress and feel better. I agree with you, that most often it’s unnecessary and also, misdirected. But such is the unfairness of life and the situation.
This is a well written piece because it is short and precise and ends with a bit of solution for the reader to reflect on.
Very good piece. In PA, there was what I call a road rage drive by. A woman was shot while driving to work. Can you imagine? Due to anger this person has injured someone all to release alil stress. I wonder if this person feels better knowing what they have done. You can check out the URL and video on my blog. What has this world come to?
Brilliant Parthip…well said and I couldn’t agree with you more. Time for you to author a book my friend. You write very well.